“Bloody Hell!” “Damn it!” “Why can’t I just!”
We’ve all been there! You know the place when we’ve messed up yet again or to be factual about it- we perceive we have!
We’ve all been there, which is true too because everybody (I respectively hope) has negative thoughts. Especially when we feel we have failed at something.
Introduce a neurodiversity like.. um… ADHD and you’ll soon discover you can focus and your memory seems perfectly fine at remembering that thing you failed at, messed up, etc…
Strictly speaking though, being hard on yourself isn’t a symptom of ADHD, but it certainly is a by-product.
A symptom of ADHD, like Emotional Dysregulation, plays a big part in the experiences of negative emotions. Making our response to negativity somewhat out of proportion.
Take this blog for example.
I could say it has taken me ages to write this blog for my www.coachingaddsup.com website, but the truth is it hasn’t. I’ve just started it!
What took me ages was NOT starting it. Months, in fact. But as I write now, there is something distinctly missing! I almost don’t want to mention its name in fear of summoning that which I had forgotten! NEGATIVITY!! There, I said it! I’m now sat still and waiting….
Nope, nothing has appeared!! Hooray! I’m cured!
Is it really really missing missing?
That’s a brilliant question, and the answer is, unfortunately, no! As I write this blog, there is a faint whisper between these words of why didn’t I start this project sooner!
I’m sorry negativity. I have no time to answer your question. I’m in my flow of creation (yea, but you’re not a writer!) This is real-time folks, but I don’t have time to wallow in that thought….
Ok, for the purpose of this blog, let’s wallow…. I indeed am not a writer, but as I look up the page at these words I have written, you know what? I’m ok with not being a writer. That’s not what I set out to do. I set out to write a blog….
Don’t listen to agree, hear to answer!
Here’s the thing, when negative thoughts or feelings arise, we already agree with what is being thought or felt like the truth. But as I sit here ‘blogging’ and being ok with not being a writer. My thought is this.
I agree, I am not a writer but my answer is, that was never my intention. You see, negativity can pitch to you all day long, throwing you all sort of curveballs until you stop resisting and fall in line.
But listen to what is being said before you agree to it. Is what you’re hearing even close to what you actually set out to do?
2 negatives make a positive!
“Misery loves company” just as negativity needs more negativity! What do I mean by that? Well, it will say “You can’t do this or you can’t do that!!, right?”
Now, here’s what you doing before agreeing. You work out if negativity knows what you have set out to do, what you are specifically trying to achieve, not just some ballpark figure of a guess. If it’s not absolutely spot on, then you say “Yes I can do it!”
Do you get it? Being negative to negativity is a response to the positive!! Does anyone like their own medicine? Make negativity work hard to take up space rent-free in your head.
The same way you specifically worked out why it shouldn’t live rent-free is the same way it needs to accurately and specifically tell you why it should. If what negativity has to say is even a fraction off from what you set out to do. You tell negativity, “I’m sorry it’s a no this time around but try again sometime!”…. and you know it will!
(Why are you referencing baseball??) Well, negativity, I set out to write a blog about how to overcome negativity. The baseball reference is metaphorical. I want the reader, yes you, to understand that if you hear what negativity is doing. It’s taking potshots and getting very lucky. But how big is the target it’s aiming for?
When you decide to take the ‘pot’ back from the negative, any shot that isn’t perfectly centred…. Yes, you know what to do.
If you need some help to get your pot back. That’s where I can help….